Family Dynamics

THE INNER EXPERIENCE OF RETIREMENT by Joel Verstaendig, PhD, Psychologist

Several years ago my brother-in-law and I were watching children play at a neighborhood birthday party. At one point he pointed to one particular child and said, “That child needs treatment.” I was bewildered. At that time I had been a practicing psychologist for almost 25 years and I had known that child for many years. My brother-in-law is not a mental health professional. What was he noticing in a brief observation that I had not discerned over the years? Finally, with some trepidation and embarrassment I asked what he had seen. “Look at that over-bite.” he exclaimed.

My brother-in-law is an orthodontist! We were watching the same child but from our respective professional perspectives! This vignette illustrates that our careers and professions not only help us define how we view ourselves, but to a large extent they can affect the way we view the world. The obvious/ tongue-in-cheek question is “Can retirement lead to an identity crisis?” While most books and articles about retirement are devoted to the financial aspects of retirement or where are the best places to live, this article speaks to the inner experience of retirement. In 1996, Fortune Magazine ran an article about Lee Iococca, the man who brought Chrysler back from the brink of bankruptcy in the 1980’s. He retired for about three years and then returned to work. He stated that his 3 years of retirement were more stressful than his 47 years in the auto business. He said that he had missed his old friends and the structure of his job. In that article he wrote, “You can plan everything in life and then the roof caves in on you because you haven’t done enough thinking about who you are and what you should do with the rest of your life.” There are those who loved their jobs, having enjoyed not only the work place challenges but also the camaraderie that they shared with their co-workers. It is understandable that these individuals might feel forlorn after retiring; however, even people who disliked their work experience may find that being retired is not the fantasy that they had anticipated. Consequently, if one does feel sadness and boredom, it is useful to remind oneself that retirement presents a myriad of opportunities that can be life enriching if retirement is approached from the proper perspective.

How should we view retirement? We can gain a unique perspective on our retirement years by recalling our adolescence, our teenage years. The immediate reaction to this suggestion might be, “What are you talking about? They are opposite. While in adolescence we were just starting life, retirement is one manifestation of the summation of our life.” But are they totally different experiences? Let’s look more closely. As we began adolescence, we progressed from a time in life that was comfortable and familiar to one that was unknown and puzzling. Growing up can be frightening and the thought that one is growing old can be frightening. Just as there is no formal preparation for adolescence, many of us are unprepared for the experience of retirement. As we noted above, in retirement we may experience an identity crisis not unlike the one we experienced as an adolescent. Just as we may have started adolescence feeling awkward and trying to adapt to a new and changing body, we will be doing the same thing as we age. Nevertheless, it is worth remembering that despite the daunting developmental tasks that we tackled in adolescence, it was a time of adventure replete with stories that we still recount to our friends, relatives, children, and maybe even our grandchildren. To adapt a cliché, retirement is not the beginning of the end, but rather the end of the beginning.

Retirement presents us with opportunities to begin the process of self-actualization. We may at last find the true meaning of our lives by looking inward and looking outward. It can be an opportunity to expand our inner and outer horizons. Retirement is the time when we can finally work on silencing those inner voices that tell us that we are not talented enough to engage in an activity that we always wanted to try. Perhaps it is a time when one will finally take art lessons, or music lessons. One might finally summon the courage to join a local drama club or become actively involved in the political process. My uncle decided to try ballroom dancing when he was in his late sixties! An increasing number of retirees are enrolling in college and broadening their horizons. Retirement is here. Get ready for the real adventure of life. Get ready to enjoy the future!!!

You can contact Dr. Joel Verstaendig at DrJoelV@aol.com